A not so happy update.

It's been just over a month since my last post, and what a roller coaster of a month it's been.

The one thing dominating everything else has been my step dad's health.  He has been in and out of hospital, has had numerous tests (and pretty much every complication associated with them), but we now know for certain that he does have lung cancer.

It was feared for a while that it had already metastised to his liver, but thankfully the tumours there were found to be benign.  His lungs however, are basically a total mess.  He has one walnut sized tumour in his right lung, but the entire surface of both his lungs are completely 'peppered' with abnormal (as in, cancerous) cells.  He is having major issues breathing due to a build up fluid in the space between his lungs and the pleural lining, but, to make things even worse, we have now been told that they cannot treat the cancer, due to the fact that his lungs are basically riddled it.

To say we have been 'up and down' is an understatement.  He obviously is having a really tough time dealing with it, and whenever I see him he recounts all sorts of stories from his navy days-it's almost like he wants me tell me everything while he still can.  His mood is incredibly low, and it is so unlike him it's unreal, and incredibly painful to see.  My mum is doing an incredible job of keeping herself together.  I can see the strain on her face and hear it in her voice, but she's just getting on with as best she can, and I have to say that I am incredibly proud of how she is coping.  Probably better than I am if I'm completely honest.

So the prognosis is bleak.  He is going into hospital tomorrow to have fluid drained, and to have a talc procedure to 'seal' the pleural space to prevent further fluid build up, then he will be starting chemo as a 'palliative' measure.  There is no point in them trying to cure him, so they will only give him enough chemo to try and 'control' the cancer, without making him feel even more ill.

This evening I have that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something bad is going to happen, and I really am praying that nothing will go wrong for him tomorrow.  It may sound selfish but I'm simply not ready to say goodbye yet.

Please stay strong Pete, fight as hard as you can for as long as you can.  But when you've had enough, I'll be there to hold your hand x