Finding things really tough at the moment Mum, especially with Mo's A Level results coming in yesterday. She needed CCD to get in to Chichester, and the little star went and got BBB. It was so hard not being able to tell you yesterday-all I wanted to do was pick up the phone to give you the news and it's so painful not being able to. I know that you would be as proud of her as I am, and I really wish that you were here to celebrate with us.
She has a gig tomorrow night-duetting with Tony no less! They did a little charity thing a while ago, and he contacted her to say that she really impressed him and asked if she would interested in duetting with him at a paid gig at Earsham Hall! She obviously jumped at the chance, but we never did find out why he decided to make a change from the Tony and Ashlea show! I'm going with Dad so he'll get to hear her sing for the first time, and although I wish more than anything it was you I would be there with, I'm looking forward to going with my old man :). It has been really lovely reconnecting with him, and my love for music has struck again. I started off with violin but my stupid fingers soon put an end to that one, so I am slowly teaching myself the clarinet instead. I've made a deal with Dad that if I get good enough I will join an orchestra, but only on the condition that he starts to play again too. It's been so good talking music with him-there's so much both of you had done that I never knew about before! It's weird cos its like I'm getting to know you even better now that you've gone, and although it makes me sad that I didn't know these things before, I love how I am still surprised, and impressed by you.
I have reached a major crossroads in my life, and I have simply no idea which way to go. I have 2 massively life changing options, and I'm finding it impossible deciding which to go for. I'm sure that I know which way you would like me to go, and I know that you would be totally behind me, but that doesn't make it any easier. I wish I could talk to you about it-another one of our little deep and meaningfuls as we walked around Burgh Castle. I think I will just have to trust my gut instinct and go for it.
I've finally booked a trip to go and visit Sue and co, which I know you would definitely have wanted me to do. I had a lovely letter from her not long ago and she seems really excited too, and has a full itinerary planned for us bless her. I know she's having a tough time having lost you, so I hope that seeing us and being able to talk to us will help her to grieve if you know what I mean? I'm sure everyone out there has been super supportive, but they didn't know you like we did. I've kept a few things of yours to take out for her too, and I'm going to get some other bits and pieces for her so I can give her a piece of 'home', as she think the distance is all too apparent for her right now. I'm so excited about going, and Mecia is too. Especially after finding out that performers are on the skilled migrants list so emigrating could be a real option for her after Uni! (Unless I beat her to it of course).
I hope you hear the regular conversations I have with you Mum. I find the thought so comforting, and I know exactly what you would say back. Sometimes it's like you never left-I ask you something and I hear you as clear as a bell telling me what you think I should do. And although it hurts that you're not really there, I love how it feels that you are still helping to guide me. I may be an adult, but I still need you Mum. I love you, and I miss you so much x
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